Friday, 05 March 2010
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It's because he's ugly, isn't it?
So I'm telling my friend Glinda how I blew off this dude for stalking my whole life on the boardwalk. "I think he thought we were soulmates or something," I tell her, "he wanted to talk to me about my feelings and stuff." Glinda jumps right on the bandwagon. "Remember when that one guy wanted to send roses to me at work?" She shakes her head. "That's too much. I barely even knew him!"
My guy friend RJ, who is listening, stops us immedietely. "Shut it," he says, "the only reason you two aren't interested is because these dudes are ugly!"
Lindah immedietely launches into a speech about how it's not; really, these guys were just coming on way too strong. I don't feel the need to defend myself. RJ is absolutely right.
Let me preface ... a little. Ugly is a stong word. And I don't consider myself a supermodel. I haven't dated McHottie after McHottie either. Still, the one thing that each dude I've been involved with has in common is that I was sexually attracted to him.
Let me put it this way: If you don't want to lick your prospective partners' face, should you really be dating them? Does it really matter how nice they are? You can't grow exactly butterflies.
We always try to downplay the physical aspect of relationships because we don't want to be considered shallow. But maybe that's just silly. Like RJ said "If these dudes were attractive, you'd be eating it up with a stick."
Are you ready to admit that he's right?
Thursday, 04 March 2010
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401 ... que?
I got a 401(k) Plan because my father told me to.
Actually, I tried not get a 401(k) Plan, mostly, because I had no idea what it involved. I knew that it meant you were saving money for retirement, but I wasn't ready to relinquish precious dollars from my bi-weekly check. I also had this vague notion that 401(k) Plans involved stock options, and, therefore, risk, and I was never into gambling. Let me tell you why I was wrong to wait:
For starters, when you sign up for a 401(k) Plan, you're saving more money than you think. When you elect to "defer" a portion of wages into an employer-sponsored Retirement Plan, you are doing so tax-free. This means you are not only saving the money you are putting into account; you're not losing any of it to taxes. So, basically, your check, post-401(k) doesn't look that different from your check pre-401(k). I was surprised, for example, that while $100 was going into my 401(k) account, only $60 of my check was "missing."
Good deal.
Secondly, most, if not all, employer-sponsored 401(k) Plans offer a little-to-no-risk option. So if you're reluctant to check off a box that has "High Risk Metlife Mumbo Jumbo" next to it, you don't have to. I set up virtually an automatic savings account for myself. My money went into that account and I didn't think too much about. Except for when letters came in the mail, telling me how much there was of it in the bank.
Not a bad deal, right? What do you think? Do you have a 401(k)? Do you think it's worth it?
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Who you be upset if someone called you sexual napalm?
Jessica Simpson is all over the media this week, gracefully sticking it to John Mayer. I'm sure you all know why, but, for the sake of clarity (tee hee), let's revisit what he told Playboy magazine:
"That girl (Simpson), for me, is a drug. And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me... Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm..."
Ummm, ok, the man's a little short on class, but would you really heart-of-hearts be offended if someone said this about you?
Granted, Simpson is acknowledging that this statement was, on some level, a compliment. But she also said that she is angry with Mayer, "no longer the man she knew", and that she wasn't accepting his apology. I'm gonna read between the lines here and hope that Simpson, for appearance's sake, is feigning offense. This is, after all, a women who is famous for the stupidest things: first, she was married, then she was fat, now she's a sex machine. (Truth is, she probaby should write John Mayer a thank note for shining a spotlight on her just as she's about launch her new VH1 show.)
All kidding aside, if I were her, I'd ... well, I'd actually do the same exact thing (who da thunk it?) I'd act slighted in public, but, secretly, I'd be thrilled. Sexual napalm sounds pretty fierce, if you ask me. I wouldn't mind at all if my ex told everyone he knew that.
How would you feel if someone said something similiar about you?
Tuesday, 02 March 2010
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Would you rather be rich or happy?
Anyone familiar with Bravo TV's Real Housewives franchise knows that the series pretty much highlights two things. First, how much money these women have. And, secondly, how miserable they are with it.
If you think I'm wrong about the miserable part, all you need to do is check out Bravo's Top 25 Moments: The Early Years where the housewives fight, drink, cry, shop, drink, cry, fight ... and then fight again. Very little celebrating (or smiling) going on in that special. Which brings us back to the age-old question: Does money make people happy?
Theoretically, it should. Psychologists who study money/happiness correlations say that that it all boils down to choices. The haves have more than the have-nots, and, therefore, stand a better chance at Ultimate Bliss. An old Newsweek article used the simple example of $20 buying you a better lunch than $5.
But this is 2010: McDonald's has a dollar menu and plenty of people love cheeseburgers. Not to mention that our current recession is sort of forcing people to value the little things in life (think All-State commercials where middle-class famlies look super happy eating mac-n-cheese dinners and driving around in their insured Volvos.) Suddenly, the whole debate is flipped. Can you, after all, still value the little things when you have the option to go out and buy a whole lot of big things?
With happiness becoming more and more abstract (and simultaneously harder to obtain), I think we need to stop trying to answer and, instead, revise the question.
It's all about choices, after all. So you tell me: if forced to pick, would you rather be rich and miserable or poor and happy?
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
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Grudge Letters
Dear What's-your-face OR So-in-So:
I'm glad you're fat. I hope you're miserable. And that's not meant to be mean or bitter or, even, to say that I'm not over it. It's just what you deserve.
Love always,
Jeanine
I have this thing for grudges. I love them, actually. Not as a way of life, per se, but, like anything else, they're good in moderation. For example, if your liar ex-boyfriend shows up expectedly at a work function looking unexpectedly fat (and also oddly hairy), I think you should eat it up. Like it's chocolate cake.
See, forgiving and forgetting is time-consuming, sort of exhausting and often counterproductive to my healing process. By rationalizing someone else's behavior, you start to devalue your own. If somebody wrongs you - if they actually do something wrong to you - then they don't deserve your forgiveness or your friendship or your esteem or even your pleasantries.
So why are you trying so hard to give it to them?
I'm not saying that we should wallow in self-pity and/or anger. I just feel that sometimes we need to embrace it. If we're going to actually move on.
But maybe I'm wrong (or mean-spirited, gnarled and bitter.) What do you think? Do you, have you benefited from your grudges? Or do we need to truly forgive to forget?
