jeanine's Datingish

It's because he's ugly, isn't it?

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:02:23 GMT

So I'm telling my friend Glinda how I blew off this dude for stalking my whole life on the boardwalk. "I think he thought we were soulmates or something," I tell her, "he wanted to talk to me about my feelings and stuff." Glinda jumps right on the bandwagon. "Remember when that one guy wanted to send roses to me at work?" She shakes her head. "That's too much. I barely even knew him!"

My guy friend RJ, who is listening, stops us immedietely. "Shut it," he says, "the only reason you two aren't interested is because these dudes are ugly!"

Lindah immedietely launches into a speech about how it's not; really, these guys were just coming on way too strong. I don't feel the need to defend myself. RJ is absolutely right.

Let me preface ... a little. Ugly is a stong word. And I don't consider myself a supermodel. I haven't dated McHottie after McHottie either. Still, the one thing that each dude I've been involved with has in common is that I was sexually attracted to him.

Let me put it this way: If you don't want to lick your prospective partners' face, should you really be dating them? Does it really matter how nice they are? You can't grow exactly butterflies.

We always try to downplay the physical aspect of relationships because we don't want to be considered shallow. But maybe that's just silly. Like RJ said "If these dudes were attractive, you'd be eating it up with a stick."

Are you ready to admit that he's right?

401 ... que?

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 02:55:58 GMT

I got a 401(k) Plan because my father told me to.

Actually, I tried not get a 401(k) Plan, mostly, because I had no idea what it involved. I knew that it meant you were saving money for retirement, but I wasn't ready to relinquish precious dollars from my bi-weekly check. I also had this vague notion that 401(k) Plans involved stock options, and, therefore, risk, and I was never into gambling. Let me tell you why I was wrong to wait:

For starters, when you sign up for a 401(k) Plan, you're saving more money than you think. When you elect to "defer" a portion of wages into an employer-sponsored Retirement Plan, you are doing so tax-free. This means you are not only saving the money you are putting into account; you're not losing any of it to taxes. So, basically, your check, post-401(k) doesn't look that different from your check pre-401(k). I was surprised, for example, that while $100 was going into my 401(k) account, only $60 of my check was "missing."

Good deal.

Secondly, most, if not all, employer-sponsored 401(k) Plans offer a little-to-no-risk option. So if you're reluctant to check off a box that has "High Risk Metlife Mumbo Jumbo" next to it, you don't have to. I set up virtually an automatic savings account for myself. My money went into that account and I didn't think too much about. Except for when letters came in the mail, telling me how much there was of it in the bank.

Not a bad deal, right? What do you think? Do you have a 401(k)? Do you think it's worth it?

Who you be upset if someone called you sexual napalm?

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 22:26:15 GMT

Jessica Simpson is all over the media this week, gracefully sticking it to John Mayer. I'm sure you all know why, but, for the sake of clarity (tee hee), let's revisit what he told Playboy magazine:

"That girl (Simpson), for me, is a drug. And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me... Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm..."

Ummm, ok, the man's a little short on class, but would you really heart-of-hearts be offended if someone said this about you?

Granted, Simpson is acknowledging that this statement was, on some level, a compliment. But she also said that she is angry with Mayer, "no longer the man she knew", and that she wasn't accepting his apology. I'm gonna read between the lines here and hope that Simpson, for appearance's sake, is feigning offense. This is, after all, a women who is famous for the stupidest things: first, she was married, then she was fat, now she's a sex machine. (Truth is, she probaby should write John Mayer a thank note for shining a spotlight on her just as she's about launch her new VH1 show.)

All kidding aside, if I were her, I'd ... well, I'd actually do the same exact thing (who da thunk it?) I'd act slighted in public, but, secretly, I'd be thrilled. Sexual napalm sounds pretty fierce, if you ask me. I wouldn't mind at all if my ex told everyone he knew that.

How would you feel if someone said something similiar about you?

Would you rather be rich or happy?

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:42:18 GMT

Anyone familiar with Bravo TV's Real Housewives franchise knows that the series pretty much highlights two things. First, how much money these women have. And, secondly, how miserable they are with it.

If you think I'm wrong about the miserable part, all you need to do is check out Bravo's Top 25 Moments: The Early Years where the housewives fight, drink, cry, shop, drink, cry, fight ... and then fight again. Very little celebrating (or smiling) going on in that special. Which brings us back to the age-old question: Does money make people happy?

Theoretically, it should. Psychologists who study money/happiness correlations say that that it all boils down to choices. The haves have more than the have-nots, and, therefore, stand a better chance at Ultimate Bliss. An old Newsweek article used the simple example of $20 buying you a better lunch than $5.

But this is 2010: McDonald's has a dollar menu and plenty of people love cheeseburgers. Not to mention that our current recession is sort of forcing people to value the little things in life (think All-State commercials where middle-class famlies look super happy eating mac-n-cheese dinners and driving around in their insured Volvos.) Suddenly, the whole debate is flipped. Can you, after all, still value the little things when you have the option to go out and buy a whole lot of big things?

With happiness becoming more and more abstract (and simultaneously harder to obtain), I think we need to stop trying to answer and, instead, revise the question.

It's all about choices, after all. So you tell me: if forced to pick, would you rather be rich and miserable or poor and happy?

Grudge Letters

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 23:46:34 GMT

Dear What's-your-face OR So-in-So:

I'm glad you're fat. I hope you're miserable. And that's not meant to be mean or bitter or, even, to say that I'm not over it. It's just what you deserve.

Love always,

Jeanine

I have this thing for grudges. I love them, actually. Not as a way of life, per se, but, like anything else, they're good in moderation. For example, if your liar ex-boyfriend shows up expectedly at a work function looking unexpectedly fat (and also oddly hairy), I think you should eat it up. Like it's chocolate cake.

See, forgiving and forgetting is time-consuming, sort of exhausting and often counterproductive to my healing process. By rationalizing someone else's behavior, you start to devalue your own. If somebody wrongs you - if they actually do something wrong to you - then they don't deserve your forgiveness or your friendship or your esteem or even your pleasantries.

So why are you trying so hard to give it to them?

I'm not saying that we should wallow in self-pity and/or anger. I just feel that sometimes we need to embrace it. If we're going to actually move on.

But maybe I'm wrong (or mean-spirited, gnarled and bitter.) What do you think? Do you, have you benefited from your grudges? Or do we need to truly forgive to forget?

Two-headed Snake

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 23:32:55 GMT

I quit my job so I could pursue my dreams. It's, like, a thing. I want to be, you know, happy. I also, unfortunately, need to be able to go to the doctor if I get sick so I'm opting to COBRA myself for health insurance.

Here's what I've learned about COBRA:

It stands for Consolidated Omnibus Reconciliation Act. This means it's a law, not a healthcare provider as some people (ahem, me) may pre-suppose. COBRA allows you to continue your health benefits even though you no longer work for the employer who provides them. Which is great, really, except that it's super-expensive.

Today, my registration forms came in the mail. COBRA is going to cost me $466.73 a month.

Or $5600.76 a year.

Ouch.

Before I chucked the forms into the garbage and cursed this country (or, rather, its lack of universal healthcare), I decided to do some research. After all, my frame of reference for medical bills is, thankfully, limited. One time, right after college, I did pay out of pocket to treat a bad case of strep throat. That doctor's visit cost me close to $300 (they had given me a needle). I shelled out an additional $200 for the antibiotics.

Now, it's highly unlikely that I will get a monthly case of strep throat. (If I did, incidentally, COBRA would be saving me $33.27) But it is not unlikely that CIGNA, who will provide my COBRA-ed insurance, will have to pay to treat several cases of strep throat each month. And that's only the start of the craziness.

According to cobrainsurance.com, health insurance companies have paid medical bills over $5,000 for emergency abdominal pain.

$10,300 to mend a broken hand and wrist

$76,000 for injuries sustained in an automobile accident.

$114,700 for a heart attack

If I were to treat an actual snake bite, as opposed to, say, this metaphorical one, it would cost around $25,000.

Ok, COBRA, you win. Health insurance, after all, when juxtaposed with actual medical expenses, seems (and I can't believe I am actually going to say this) ... cheap. Don't you think?

I know my check is in the mail.

The Non-Date Date

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 23:02:19 GMT

I always reluctant to go on dates. I can’t help it. Sometime in 2009, hell froze over in the middle of my chest. This sort of natural disaster is hard to overcome, so when some dude - who I know well enough to know I’m not interested in - ambushes me at a party, I blow him off, (n)icily.

Apparently, undeterred, he facebooks me and after some long, albeit sweet gibberish about pretty much nothing, he writes this: “Get coffee with me. Strictly as friends.”

Ahhh, I’ve heard of this tactic. The non-date date. All the face time, half the commitment. No way am I falling for this, except, falling for it, I agree to go.

Now I’m trying to backpedal. The thing about the non-date date is that, as presented, you feel guilty saying no. I mean, only bitches don’t like coffee. Or, more pointedly, friends. Still, smooth move aside, I’m not into dating (or non-dating) men that I’m, well, not into. I just don’t see the point. My best friend, Caitlin, who is currently dating several guys she’s only mildly interested in, gives me a speech about "being open-minded" and "the year of yes" and "you never know" and "blah blah blah," until, clearly in need of a new approach, she sputters. “Do it for the stories, Jeanine! The stories!”

I’m sold on this argument until my other friend, Laura, points out something I haven’t thought of. “Coffee, huh?” She says with a smirk. “That means you’ve got to do this sober.”

Damn.

Suggestions for how to gracefully and (n)icily un-date my non-date (which is, supposedly, Thursday) are now welcome and, apparently, necessary.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 22:39:21 GMT

Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Datingish... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!"